Happy Thanksgiving

Yay! Break! It's been so nice to not have school for a while. It was really nice out here in Chicago but hopefully it will start snowing soon. I'm exited for the last three weeks of the semester and that I'll be in Arizona with my family. And, after that, Aguascalientes! It'll all be a great adventure and I'm looking forward to it. 

Wonder - Text and Image

Noviembre

- Mijita, ¿qué quieres hacer con tu vida? ¿Quieres ser poeta o voladora de cometas y cohetes? ¿A dónde quieres ir? ¿Al mar? ¿A las montañas? ¿A la esquina de tu casa para comprar Cheetos?

En tu cabeza tienes un mar de ideas y en tus manos tienes montañas con cohetes. Tienes cara lisa, no como el señor que ba sentado junto a ti en el tren.

Estás sentada y estás completamente perdida. Traes puesto la chamarra que te regaló tu mamá y usas la mochila de tu primo. Tienes sueños de construir libros, sueños de documentar cosas hermosas. Ahora tienes ganas, no como hace dos semanas.

También, mijita, tienes celos en tu corazón. Tienes celos y también tienes miedo. Miedo de no ser todo lo que crees poder ser. Todo este habla de lo que es y lo que no te confunde y dejas de intentar, más bien, empiezas a intentar.

Y así, mi vida, te pierdes. No te acuerdas de donde vienes ni quien te ama. Llevas la boca cerrada y el corazón bajo tu sudadera. Eres tu, la niña verde limón que ahora es de madera, viajando en un tren de la línea verde con interiores de madera.

Niña, niña, no te pierdas. Nos estás sola, aunque sea solo tu espíritu el que te acompañe. Sube una montaña y mejor no la bajes.

Y niña.., por favor, escribe. Escribe lo que te dice tu corazón y lo que te dice tu mente sin tener miedo de no ser lo que tu crees que las personas quieren.

Se fuerte.

Se valiente.

Y no escuches al hombre gritando en el tren.

Thinkings

I feel like there is a certain style of photograph that is considered to be a professional one. By this, I don't mean that if it's taken well and by a person who knows what he/she is doing it is considered professional. There seems to be a certain air to most of the work that is being produced now (including my own).

I've been able to come up with two different styles of photos that I see often. This isn't saying they are bad or not creative, I'm just talking style, current; I enjoy many of them.

First off we have the whimsical fairy photographs. They are soft and often include girls portrayed in beautiful garments in a forest, although not limited to the forest. This style (to me) seems to emphasize the beauty or the magical aspect of beauty itself.

The second type is the clinical correct style. Here we have photographs that are usually taken without people in them. Even if they do have people in them they seem not to emphasize the person, they seem to focus on the medium itself. Large format is prominent and many photographs emphasize the background of the subject by using a very small aperture.

Anyway, I don't really know what I'm talking about but I pretty much need a social life. Even my grandma is worried about my social life. Sad.

P i ge on B l oo d

Film

When I think of the things that I had, the things that I did, I see how I had another life. My life now is so strange, things feel so sterile. I am an outsider and I do not want to be an insider. But have I ever been an insider? Yes, sometimes.

What is this all worth? Why am I doing this? If I weren't doing this, what would I be doing? I feel so small, so alone. Like I'm stuck in this idiotic ambient where nothing you make matters and nothing you do is significant.

I am so lonely.

I just want to go home. I am so lonely and feel as if I'm just wasting my time and money. I want to go home but I have no where to go back to. Screw the US, screw Art School.

Oh Dear.., Art School

I've been at SAIC for over a month now. Art school is treating me well. I could say that I have learned a lot, had a lot of amazing experiences and could never see myself without going to school but I would be lying.

I have learned some things. Being introduced to new media and materials my art will improve. But is it worth the money? For me, yes. I have a good amount of scholarships and pay a relatively small amount of money to go. Next semester though, I need better aid because I don't plan on taking out student loans.

The reader might question why I think this way. My feelings are mixed. I think that I could get a lot out of being at the Art Institute. Or, if I chose to, I could leave with no skills what so ever. My instructors are great but, to tell the truth, I haven't felt very challenged since I got here. Challenged in the good way, by being inspired by other's work and feel like you have someone to live up to.

And here is where my classmates come in. Fist off, I want to say that I do have some wonderful classmates that produce great work. The problem is that they are numbered.

Last week I had 3 days of critiques from 9 am to 4 pm. Critiques are helpful most of the time. Except when people that I have no respect for take up all the time commenting and criticizing. I cherish harsh, to the point critiques. But when they come from people whose work is, to be nice, not worked on, it's just annoying. Also when someone starts off like this, "I would do..." my brain wants to die.

Thank God for the 80% drop out rate freshman year.

Still, I need to work on motivating myself to work harder and be better.

Sweet Home, Chicago

I'm a the Art Institute now and things are going well. I'm finally getting back into my rhythm of making photographs.

School here is amazing. I only have one photography class and at first that made me pretty sad, but now I see why it's so important. All first year students share two classes, Research Studio and Core Studio. It really depends on the teacher of the class as to what medium you'll be working in but so far I've done video, sewing and performance. Currently I am working on a crochet sculpture.

I'll be updating regularly, now that I'm off facebook except for Sundays.

...

It's one of those times when I feel like throwing life and work away. One of those times that I know will be over but I always forget when it's gone. I don't want to be here, why are things so hard? Didn't I want them this way? Yes, I did.

I want to be a dreamer, I want to have a good life. I want to be the girl in the pictures with smiles everywhere. But see where we're going, I want, I want, I want.

I don't need any of that. I don't need it. I am stronger than stupid comparisons. I feel like I am in a place where animals are just dressed like animals.

Yet here I am again, like every other time, writing my frustration, feeling not worth it. Here I am again, old enemy of my youth, I remember you and I hate feeling you.

Weekly Roundup

Drawings

P.S. If you want the bird drawings I'll send them to you.

Oh, To Be Home

My Photos are missing themselves. I miss being home, I miss my friends, I miss the beach, I miss not taking so many self portraits. I'm so tired of being in Arizona. Tonight marks 19 days until Chicago. I miss my life and my art is suffering so I am cutting things out of my life. I'm doing projects and my first one is 7 illustrations in 7 days. In a week I will post them.

Just some nostalgic old pictures.

Tempe, Part 1

My first two months in Tempe. My hard drive with the last 5 years of pictures was stolen out of my parent's car. It's a nice start but it also makes me sad. 6 and a half weeks until I can get the hell out of here and be in Chicago.

Abandoned

What I feel the most, what I fear the most. Feeling abandoned by love but the same time not sure if I am or not.

I left so many feelings back in La Paz. The things that I own fit in two airline regulation suit cases. I am moving forward but I have a hole in my heart. I have no friends here in Arizona; I am here for a short stay. I won't see my love until Christmas.

It's hard but I'm moving forward. Forward towards the woman I want to be, the artist I know I am, and a great lover of life.